In Which The Naruto Cast Goes to Forks
by Echoing Mist
Summary: Watch as the Naruto cast utterly destroys the Twilight: Eclipse plotline!(Both accidentally and intentionally.) A maybe Crack!fic, Slightly A.U. I'm still not quite sure if this is Angst. BEING REWRITTEN! This used to have a longer summary, but I erased it.
1. So, Sasuke is a Twlight fan?

**Author's Note: **

I felt that there wern't enough funny Naruto-Twilight crossovers, so I wrote one! This FanFiction will be slightly A.U. The Elemental Nations will be a very very secluded part of Japan, and Stephanie Meyer is a close friend of Bella's who writes down her story. Also, the Twilight novels are NOT well known in this Universe. The Twilight Universe and the Naruto Universe are in the same world.

And to Twilight fans, this is meant to be entirely humorous, please don't be insulted :)

Disclaimer: Uhh...I don't own Naruto. Or Twilight. Do you really think I could write something about sparkly vampires? Didn't think so.

* * *

Itachi looked down at the book in his hands. And blinked. '_Maybe I overdid it with the Tsukiyomi. Perhaps it drove Sasuke insane…'_

Several minutes earlier…

"Itachi, you've got mail!" Kisame called out.

Itachi lifted his head from the scroll he was reading from. "Who is it from?" he asked with a slight bit of curiosity. S-rank missing-nin didn't usually get mail, after all.

"Uh…Sasuke Uchiha. Your little brother, right?"

Itachi's eyes widened a bit (which was the Uchiha equivalent of extreme shock), then went over and gingerly took the package from Kisame after inspecting it with his sharingan. The last "gift" Sasuke had sent him included several explosive notes and was drenched in lethal poison. However, this time, the parcel only seemed to contain a simple book. He unwrapped the package and took out a paperback novel titled "Twilight". Inside the front was a letter from Sasuke. It read:

_Dear Itachi,_

_I still hate you with all my heart. You shall die at my hands in the most painful way possible. First, I shall spear your heart with a rusty kunai, then, I…_

Itachi skipped the next 16 lines or so, which were all about him dying in increasingly painful and sadistic ways, and continued reading.

_I have recently become a fan of _Twilight._ I sent you a copy, as I did with everyone I know, it needs to be appreciated more. I have left Konoha and joined Orochimaru because he has a limited edition copy, and I will continue to stay with him, since he is first on the shipping list for the third book!.TWILIGHT *insert a cutesy drawn heart here*_

_ I will kill you, Sasuke_

Itachi slightly furrowed his brow (Uchiha Translation: WTF?!). Sasuke did not usually express emotion (Itachi had been keeping tabs on him), and for him to draw a…heart? at the end of the letter was strange of him. Itachi then picked up the book Sasuke had sent him, and flipped through it with his sharingan on.

2.5 seconds later, Itachi regretted what he did. The contents of the novel were now seared into his mind permanently, thanks to the sharingan. He didn't think he would be able to ever look at books the same way again. Itachi then banished the thoughts of the depraved novel to the very back of his mind. No, he was more worried about Sasuke's health. Which led him to his current strand of thought: _Had his Tsukiyomi made Sasuke insane?_

Well, whatever it was, Sasuke was clearly out of his mind. And it was because of…no, don't think about it. But if Twi—_The Book_ was the cause of Sasuke's behavior, then he must stop the second sequel from ever happening.

Ever.

Painfully recalling the details of _The Book,_ he noted that the Bella character lived in a town called Forks, somewhere in Washington.

_Maybe sometime later, when I'm not as busy, I'll pay this "Bella" a little visit._

* * *

At first, when Sakura received the package from Sasuke, she had been overjoyed. She had stood in front of her door, holding the package as if it contained the answer to life. And she stood there, a million bouncing questions running through her mind, she let herself hope. _Was he coming back? Was he not completely corrupted yet? Had he decided to leave Orochimaru?_

So then, after thirty minutes of indecision, hoping against all odds that Sasuke was coming back, and that their team could go back to the way it was, Sakura decided to open the small parcel. All that was inside was a book, and a letter from Sasuke. She opened the letter first, and read it. Then reread it. Then reread it again. But there didn't seem to be any hidden meaning to Sasuke's words. So she just gave up on the letter, and read the book, like Sasuke had instructed. But after she read the contents, again and again, just like the letter, she just felt frustrated. Was this Sasuke's idea of a joke? If so, it wasn't funny at all. But then again, Sasuke never made jokes. So what he wrote had to be true. _'How could Sasuke have abandoned everything for this book?'_

It was an understatement to say that Sakura was pissed off. She was _furious. _Was Sasuke stupid or something? Apparently. It was then that Sakura stopped believing in the ideal version of Sasuke she had made in her head. What she DID believe, though, was that Sasuke was a real dickhead. She had given him everything she had to offer, and what did he give her in return? He had crushed her dreams, broken her team, and betrayed Konoha. The only obligation she had to this Sasuke, was to get him back to Konoha, so that Team Seven could be whole again. And also so she could beat him to a pulp, heal him, reprimand him for his stupidity, then repeat the process over and over again.

But the problem was _how?_ How could she get Sasuke back to Konoha, when so many others have failed? Then Sakura remembered. _'Of course! All I have to do is to make sure a sequel won't be written! Then Sasuke will have no reason to stay with Orochimaru! _A brilliant plan started to take shape in Sakura's mind. '_Bella.' _She thought. '_She's the main character of the story. To stop the story, I need to either eliminate the main character, or destroy the plotline so much, a story can't possibly be written from it. I think killing Bella is out of the option for now, so I'll just have to wreck the storyline.' _The more she thought about it, the more her plan started to make sense. The best part was, it didn't even require any real focus. She could literally take a vacation while still following her plan. Eager to share her breakthrough with Naruto, she quickly shunshined to Training Ground 7.

"NARUTO! Pack your bags! We're going to be leaving on a trip soon!"

"Huh? Why, Sakura-chan?"

Sakura then explained her idea to Naruto.

"Great, Sakura-chan! Let's invite everyone and make it a vacation!"

Sakura looked at Naruto. "Naruto, you know...that's not a bad idea!"

* * *

**GAHHH! I hadn't expected for Sakura's thoughts to be so angsty! This story was supposed to be pooping out rainbows, barfing out sugar, and be one happy story about Bella being disliked! But now, I just _had_ to ruin it by doing some character development! Ah, well. Let's see where this goes, then.**

**Please Review : )**


	2. Sakura is Very Convincing

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Naruto or Twilight. Really. Cause if I did, Twilight would be called "Why Not To Fall In Love With Vampires." And Bella probably would have died in the famous 'Paper-cut incident'. However, I DO own the original jutsu I made up on the spot, and Naomi, the OC I also made up on the spot. Don't worry, She's only in this story for around four lines. Then I'm kicking her out.

* * *

Tenten angrily threw down the book in disgust. "You're right, Sakura," She fumed. 'She _is _a disgrace to women and kunoichi everywhere. Sure, I'll go with you, if only to get my hands on that whiny bitch."

Neji, who was next to her, simply nodded. It wasn't as if he had anything else to do, anyway.

"YOSH! I SHALL ACCOMPANY THE YOUTHFUL SAKURA ON HER YOUTHFUL QUEST! IF NOT, I SHALL DO A THOUSAND, NO, _FIVE THOUSAND_ LAPS AROUND KONOHA ON MY HANDS, WHILE JUGGLING KITTENS! THEN, I WILL—"

"Shut up, Lee. " Sakura, Tenten, and Neji voiced at the same time.

* * *

Sakura stood in front of the gathered members of Team Ten. Shikamaru was lying on the ground, cloud watching, Choji was munching a bag of chips, and Ino was listening to Sakura.

"So, Ino, if you ever want Sasuke to come back, you should come with us. It'll be a vacation." Sakura said convincingly.

Ino nodded determinedly. "If it's for Sasuke, I'll do it. And I'll bring Choji and Shikamaru too. You know, I also got the package from Sasuke. I think everyone did, in fact. I wasn't sure how to get him back to Konoha, but you plan might just work! But if Sasuke comes back, he's mine!"

Sakura just smiled. "It's okay, I'm over him. He's all yours, if you can catch him. I'm doing this for Naruto and Kakashi." '_But also for me, even though it's just to beat him up__.'_

Shikamaru looked at them from the corner of his eye. "Troublesome."

* * *

"Hey, Gaara," Naruto said cheerfully, "I know you're the Kazekage, but do you wanna come with Sakura and me to this place called Forks? Think of it as a vacation! You sure need one!"

Gaara stared, and then nodded. Being Kazekage was awfully tiring. The paperwork alone was enough to make him nuts, and he didn't need that, considering that he had a crazy malevolent bijuu stuck inside of him. Gaara hated the paperwork, though he didn't show it. His main reason for going, of course, was to spend some time with his first-ever friend. However, getting rid of the paperwork came in as a close second. _'Maybe I could dump it all on Kankuro…' _Unnoticed by Naruto, a small smile crept up the edge of Gaara's mouth.

After Naruto left, Gaara called in his secretary. "Naomi-san? I shall be taking a break from my duties. I trust you to keep Suna running while I am gone."

The secretary trembled, afraid that she would have to do the dreaded paperwork.

"But," Gaara continued, "Kankuro is to fill out all the paperwork, no exceptions"

Naomi then happily exited the Kazekage's office, chirping out an "Yes, Kazekage-sama!" on the way.

Several Weeks Later…

Sasori and Deidara flew above the city of Suna. Not a trace of the Ichibi Jinchuriki could be found.

"Well, darn."

* * *

"Hell yeah! Of course I'm coming!" shouted Kiba eagerly.

"No, you aren't." Kiba's mother appeared next to him and started dragging him off to who-knows-where. "Don't you forget that you are _grounded,_ young man! Now, you have to clean up the mess you've made in the kennels!"

"Don't worry, guys! I'll find a way!" Kiba desprately made one last shout before he was pulled beyond hearing distance.

Sakura and the remaining members of Team Eight sweat-dropped as they saw Kiba being forcefully dragged away. '_For some reason, this seems really familiar..." _Mused Sakura. '_Nah. Must just be me.'_ (No, Sakura, it's not just you. You do this to Naruto all the time.) Turning back to Hinata and Shino, Sakura asked her question. "Err, so, do you guys want to come?"

Shino then announced his answer. "I shall go on this trip with you. Why? Because it is logical to eliminate Sasuke's motive for leaving, and this is a good opportunity to study, and possibily discover new insects from the environment we are heading to."

Hinata blushed tomato-red, and then managed to stutter out her response. "I-if N-Naruto-kun is g-going, I will also g-go."

* * *

The next day, the teams were all gathered on top of the Hokage Monument. Sakura had gotten (bribed) Tsunade to approve their trip to Forks, and label it as an A-class mission related with retrieving Sasuke. In reality though, it was just a very long break from their ninja duties, and preventing the third Twlight sequel from happening was more of a second objective. Tsunade had thought that going to the outside world was a good experience for the young shinobi, and told Sakura to bring some souvenirs (alcohol) back for her.

"Before we go, we have to do something," announced Sakura. "They speak a different language there, so I'll have to do this! " She then deftly performed a string of hand-seals, then shouted "**Rikai no Jutsu!" ** There was a bright glow, and then it slowly faded away.

"Huh? What happened?" asked a puzzled Naruto.

"What you just saw was a high level medical jutsu that allows you to understand other languages," explained Sakura. "However, not many people can do it, since it requires an inhuman amount of chakra control."

Tenten rested her hand on her hip and tilted her head. "So, ready to go?"

"HECK YEAH!" came the chorus of shouts.

*awkward silence*

"U-Uh…S-so, h-how do we get th-there?"

"I'm sure Sakura-chan has a way, Hinata! Right, Sakura?" said Naruto cheerfully turned to his teammate.

*even more awkward silence*

* * *

**Author's Note: **Did I do an okay job of portraying the character's personalities? I wasn't very sure about Tenten, you usually don't see her often in the manga. So I just made her a Feminist. Also, I apologize for making this chapter boring...

Sorry if my Japanese is bad! I use Google Translate…

Thanks to the two people who have reviewed this so far!

"Rikai" (according to Google translate) means "Understanding" Correct me if I'm wrong : )

**Please Review! Cause reviewing makes the world go 'round. XD**


	3. The Trip, and Arrival at Forks

**Author's Note:** Like I said, this story will be slightly A.U. Naruto will have already come back from his three years of training with Jiraiya. In this story, Naruto will already know and have perfected Rasenshuriken and Sage Mode. (Come on, he was with Jiraiya for THREE YEARS. I find it hard to believe that Jiraiya would not teach him about Sage mode and chakra affinities.) He will also be on fairly good terms with Kurama, just enough so that he won't attempt to kill Naruto.

And to the four Reviewers, THANK YOU SO MUCH. I appreciate the fact that you took your precious time and reviewed.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto or Twilight. Otherwise, Sakura wouldn't have been a fangirl, and Bella would be a vampire slayer who kills Edward.

Now, on with the story!

* * *

"You know, Sakura, you really had me worried there for a second there," Naruto happily said, "but, turns out, you were really just faking, and you already had a plan for us to go on these 'airplanes'."

"Umm… Sure, yeah!" Sakura stumbled out. The truth was, she had completely forgotten, and only her quick thinking had saved her from embarrassment. At the last moment, she remembered that the outside world used a type of transportation called "airplanes" and blurted that out. The group thought the idea of flying to their destination was a great one. Sakura had brought along a map of the outside world (that she had found long-lost deep in the Hokage vault), and then pointed out where they needed to go. The group had studied the society and technology of the outside world together, and to their amazement, found out that there were many strange and wonderful things they had not known was possible out there. Eventually, after they got over how advanced the world outside was, they planned their trip in much detail. After much convincing, Shikamaru had come up with a flawless travel plan, and the group had left on their excursion.

So now, they were flying above the clouds, inside a metal tin-can with wings, toward the small town known as Forks. Naruto sat next to Sakura in the window seat, cheerfully babbling with no apparent topic in mind. Hinata was shyly sitting behind him and furiously blushing. Every other second or so, she would sneak a look at the backside of Naruto's head when she thought he wasn't looking. Lee was snoring in the chair in front of Sakura; they had to knock him out with sleeping pills. That would be because he kept on "harassing" the other passengers by shouting various "YOUTHFUL" phrases. The flight attendant had blushed, though, when Lee called her "A YOUTHFUL LOTUS BLOSSUM OF YOUTH". Garra sat in front of Naruto and next to Lee, and was filling out a small pile of paperwork with a scowl on his face. Somehow, before he left, Temari had snuck all the most important files into his bag, with the note "_You're still the Kazekage, brother dear! When you're done, please send the papers back. I'll send you more the instant you're there; I really can't trust Kankuro with anything important. –Love, Temari."_

On the other side of the plane, Tenten, who was sitting in a window seat next to Neji, kept on nervously sharpening a kunai in her hand. Every time the plane hit a bit of turbulence, she would latch on to Neji's arm with a small "Eep!"(with the Kunai still in her hand!) then immediately let go, embarrassment clear on her face . Neji didn't even notice, he was too busy intensely byakugan-ing everyone on the plane. Or, to be more exact, anyone he didn't know who looked at Hinata. In the seat behind Neji, Shino was busy trying to calm down his agitated bugs. They buzzed around everywhere, seemingly not used to the high altitude. In the middle row of the plane, Shikamaru was sleeping, Choji was devouring a bag of chips, and Ino was putting on some makeup.

Of course, no one noticed a single thing wrong with them. Not a single person noticed that the girl by the window was sharpening a knife, or that there were bugs buzzing all around the cabin. Hinata's and Neji's pale eyes weren't even looked at twice.

Genjutsu really was helpful.

* * *

A day or so later…

Sakura stepped out of the taxi-van, and looked around at her surroundings. It had only been two seconds out in the rain, yet her hair was already drenched. She considered drying it off with some chakra, but decided it wasn't worth it. It was going to get wet the instant she dried it, anyway. Naruto, Garra, Tenten, Neji, and Lee also stepped out (In the case of Lee, bounced out), and also got drenched. Naruto looked especially pitiful, with his hair matted against his face. He resembled a lost puppy so much in that moment, that Sakura couldn't resist patting him on the head.

"Naruto, you look like a wet cat. I mean fox." Naruto gave her a pathetic pout.

"Ne, ne, don't tease me, Sakura-chan!" Sakura chuckled a bit, and then went to the trunk to get the luggage.

Just then, the next taxi-van pulled up behind the first one. After a few seconds, Shikamaru, Choji, Ino, Hinata, and Shino exited the taxi. The instant they removed their bags and suitcases, the two taxis sped away into the distance.

"It is very humid here." Shino stated.

"No duh." Retorted Ino.

"YOSH! THIS IS AN UNYOUTHFUL PLACE! BUT I SHALL MAKE IT YOUTHFUL, OR I'LL-"

"Shut up, Lee." Sakura, Neji, and Tenten tiredly chorused.

Choji mournfully looked down at his bag of chips, which had become soggy and soaked in the last five seconds or so.

Shikamaru surveyed his surroundings, sighed, and then grumbled a half-hearted "Troublesome."

Looking at the overcast sky, the misty green mass of forest, and the worn buildings, Naruto stated something that everyone else in their party wholeheartedly agreed with.

"I miss home already."

* * *

**Please Review! **


	4. School?

**Disclaimer: **Yes. I own both Naruto and Twilight. That's because I have split personalities. I call them Kishimoto and Meyer.

Not really.

* * *

After the travel-weary group had arrived in Forks, they were able to rent out a small house near the edge of town. All they did was henge some pieces of paper into money, and voila! They had a place to stay in! Because of its position far away from town, the ninja didn't need to be worried too much about being spotted using chakra and such.

The one story house was a faded cream color on the inside and the outside, with a tiled roof. The paint on the outside was slightly peeling, but otherwise, the house was in good condition. It contained an extremely large master bedroom, another smaller, but still spacey bedroom, a bathroom, a kitchen, and a dining room. All the boys moved to the larger bedroom, and the girls set up residence in the smaller one. Because of Naruto's sealing skills, he had been able to put everything they needed in a storage scroll. So it was a simple matter for the various genin and chunnin to pull out their belongings from the scroll, and then place it in their assigned room. By evening, everyone had personalized their stretch of room, and it was as if the shinobi had always lived there.

* * *

Tenten bounced on her bed. "It's not bad here." She commented while glancing out the window. Through the night, she could see the darker edge of the forest surrounding the house. It was sprinkling lightly, and the rain made a pleasant plitter-plattering sound against the windowpane.

"Mmn." On the bed next to hers, Sakura continued reading her medical scroll.

"Y-yes." Responded Hinata. She was fiddling with the neckline of her lavender nightdress.

Ino made no response, and was busy personalizing her part of the room.

"Well, g'night." Tenten muttered before she drifted off into a deep, dreamless sleep. The airplane travel had really taken it out of her.

* * *

The Next Morning…

Naruto yawned loudly and stretched. He blinked his half-lidded eyes a couple of times, and had a moment of confusion. Then he remembered where he was, and stumbled out of bed, his orange night-cap haphazardly balanced on his head. He shuffled into the kitchen/dining room in his baggy (also orange) pajamas, and was met with the sight of everyone eating breakfast and talking. Everyone, like him, was in their pajamas.

"G'morning," Naruto sleepily mumbled.

"Hey, Naruto! You're finally up!" Greeted Kiba.

"Mmn-hmm."

Wait, Kiba?

Naruto suddenly snapped wide awake. "Whoa, Kiba! When'd you get here?"

"I finally escaped from my mother, and was directed here by the Hokage." Kiba explained while feeding Akamaru a piece of bacon.

"That's great! Oh, hey, Garra! Wha'cha doing?"

Garra had a piece of toast in one hand, and with the other, he was furiously scribbling on what suspiciously seemed like…paperwork? When Naruto asked his question, Garra showed no signs of responding, and if possible, scribbled even faster.

Sakura strolled past Naruto and stuffed a spoonful of scrambled eggs in his mouth. "Breakfast's in the kitchen, Naruto."

So Naruto went to the kitchen and came out with some eggs, bacon, and a cup of orange juice. He came back to the dining table and sat down next to Hinata. She looked at him, squeaked, then fell of the chair in a dead faint.

"Hey, hey! Hinata, are you okay?"

Hinata was still blissfully passed out on the floor.

"Um, everyone, Hinata just passed out! Is she okay?" Naruto worriedly said to the rest of the table.

Ino stared at him. "You've got to be _blind_ not to see that she likes you."

Naruto tilted his head. "Huh? What'd you say?"

Sakura rolled her eyes. "We'll let you figure it out yourself."

And everyone continued eating breakfast as if nothing had happened. After a while, Hinata woke up from her faint, and sat back in her seat next to Naruto with the biggest blush on her face. Soon enough, everyone finished their food (and in the case of Garra, his paperwork.)

Sakura then stood up from her chair and made an announcement.

"Because Hokage-sama wants us to learn more about this world, we will be going to the local school as transfer students. However, we won't stay for long, since the School Graduation is coming up soon."

The various people around the room were either interested, emotionless, or bored. Kiba was the only one who protested. "What? We have to go to SCHOOL?"

Shikamaru lazily glanced at him. "You were the only one not there when we made our travel plans. We will start attending the day after tomorrow."

"Yes. The building we shall be going to is named 'Forks High School.'" Shino added.

Kiba groaned.

* * *

Naruto looked at the collection of maroon-bricked buildings with a nervous expression on his face. The others did not seem very confident either.

Sakura tried to cheer them up. "Don't worry, guys! Ino gave us all a memory transplant and a mental block. You'll know everything you need to, and the pesky vampires won't be able to read our future or our minds. And we all have mostly matching schedules, so we can stick together."

"Except for me and Gaara. I'm sure Kurama and Shukaku will kick out anyone trying to get into our heads!" Naruto helpfully added in, the slightest bit cheered up.

* * *

**Bella's POV**

"Have you heard the news yet?" Angela asked when Edward and I sat down at our cafeteria table.

Alice and Ben were already there, too, on either side of Angela. Ben was intent over a comic book, his glasses sliding down his narrow nose. Alice was scrutinizing my boring jeans-and-a-t-shirt outfit in a way that made me self-conscious. Probably plotting another makeover. I sighed. My indifferent attitude to fashion was a constant thorn in her side. If I'd allow it, she'd love to dress me every day - perhaps several times a day - like some oversized three-dimensional paper doll.

"No," I answered Angela.

"How about you, Alice?"

Alice looked up curiously. "What news?"

I perked up. That was highly unusual. Alice always knew what was going on, because of her ability to see the future.

"Twelve students transferred to our school." Angela answered.

Alice furrowed her delicate brow. "I didn't know that."

I felt worried. The only times Alice couldn't see the future was when werewolves were involved. So did the new students have anything to do with werewolves? Apparently, Edward was following the same train of thought I was, and the corner of his perfect mouth tilted down.

"Where are they?" I asked Angela.

"There." She pointed to an isolated corner of the cafeteria, where eight boys and four girls were sitting. I couldn't see their faces clearly, but I could tell that the girls were attractive, and that the boys weren't bad looking either. One of the girls had striking bubblegum-pink hair, which I thought was odd. They seemed to be very familiar with each other, and were laughing and talking in a language I did not know.

Intrigued, I looked at Edward's _perfect_ marble face. (*cough* *cough*)

"What language are they speaking?" I whispered.

He had a confused expression on his face. "I don't know." He answered back. "The closest thing I can compare it to is an incredibly ancient version of Japanese, and even then, most of the words don't make sense. I cannot understand a single thing they are speaking." Then, in an even lower tone of voice, he said "I cannot tell what they are thinking either."

I bit my lip. "Why not? Are they like me?"

He shook his head slightly. "No. When I try to read your mind, it's as if you're not there. When I try to read theirs, I feel like there is a mental barrier or block keeping me out. Right now, Alice is trying to see their future, but she isn't getting anything either."

I looked back at the mystery group. Jessica had just walked up to them and tried to introduce herself. The girl with pink hair said something to her, and then continued talking to the person next to her. Jessica walked away with a flustered look on her face.

Edward chuckled.

"What'd she say?" I asked.

"Go away, adults are talking. By the way, nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?"

I smiled. "That fits Jessica perfectly."

* * *

**Author's Note: **Finally! A chapter that's not too much of a filler…right? Darn. I need to add in some action, and soon! Otherwise, no one's going to read this crap!

And yes, Edward's and Alice's powers don't work on the Naruto Cast., because Ino put a mental block on them. XD

It's more of a plot device than anything else, though. And an awful bad one at that… Ah, well.

Tell me if I should continue doing other POV's.

**Please review! If you do, I'll give you a brownie! (Cause cookies are just overrated.)**


	5. Suggestions?

**Disclaimer:** Hmm…Let's see…If I own Naruto and Twilight, why would I be writing this on FanFiction?

"English"

'_Thoughts'_

"Whatever Language They Speak In the Elemental Nations"

* * *

**Three Days Later… In the dining room, before school.**

"You know, this 'school' idea isn't really that bad." Kiba commented as he chewed on the last of his breakfast. Akamaru barked in agreement.

"Yeah. Except for the fact that people we don't know keep mobbing us as if we're celebrities." Said Tenten, twirling her fork in her hand.

"Now that Sakura's scared most of them all off, the situation has become better, though." Neji commented.

Sakura bowed dramatically and waved at a cheering crowd she had conjured up using a genjutsu. "Thank you, Thank you!"

Naruto, Lee, and Kiba enthusiastically clapped along. Everyone else politely clapped. After almost a minute, Naruto, Lee, and Kiba were STILL clapping. Sakura sweat-dropped. "Um, that's enough clapping."

Naruto, Lee, and Kiba continued to clap, with an idiotic expression on their faces. Every three claps or so, Lee would scream something about youth.

"You know what? Let's just leave without them." Someone suggested. Everyone else complied. Hinata glanced back at Naruto hesitantly, but left anyways.

"Hey! Wait! Don't leave us!" The three goofballs hopped up and started running after their departing friends. They were just a speck in the distance now.

Who needed cars when you had chakra?

* * *

**Bella's POV**

We were almost to school. Edward had been relaxed and joking just a moment ago, and now suddenly his hands were clenched tight on the steering wheel, his knuckles straining in an effort not to snap it into pieces.

I stared at his anxious expression - his eyes were far away, like he was listening to distant voices.

We pulled into the school lot.

He pulled into his usual spot and turned the engine off as he spoke. "I want you to wait here until I come back for you."

"But . . . why?"

That was when I saw him. He would have been hard to miss, towering over the students the way he did, even if he hadn't been leaning against his black motorcycle, parked illegally on the sidewalk.

"Oh."

Jacob's face was a calm mask that I recognized well. It was the face he used when he was determined to keep his emotions in check, to keep himself under control. It made him look like Sam, the oldest of the wolves, the leader of the Quileute pack. But Jacob could never quite manage the perfect serenity Sam always exuded.

I'd forgotten how much this face bothered me. Though I'd gotten to know Sam pretty well before the Cullens had come back - to like him, even - I'd never been able to completely shake the resentment I felt when Jacob mimicked Sam's expression. It was a stranger's face. He wasn't my Jacob when he wore it. (Well, Bella, I wasn't aware you owned people.)

"You jumped to the wrong conclusion last night," Edward murmured. "He asked about school because he knew that I would be where you were. He was looking for a safe place to talk to me. A place with witnesses."

So I'd misinterpreted Jacob's motives last night. Missing information, that was the problem. Information like why in the world Jacob would want to talk to Edward.

"I'm not staying in the car," I said.

Edward groaned quietly. "Of course not. Well, let's get this over with."

Jacob's face hardened as we walked toward him, hand in hand.

I noticed other faces, too - the faces of my classmates. I noticed how their eyes widened as they took in all six foot seven inches of Jacob's long body, muscled up the way no normal sixteen-and-a-half-year-old ever had been. I saw those eyes rake over his tight black t-shirt - short-sleeved, though the day was unseasonably cool - his ragged, grease-smeared jeans, and the glossy black bike he leaned against. Their eyes didn't linger on his face - something about his expression had them glancing quickly away. And I noticed the wide berth everyone gave him, the bubble of space that no one dared to encroach on.

With a sense of astonishment, I realized that Jacob looked dangerous to them. How odd.

Edward was so tense next to me that I could tell he wasn't breathing.

Then one of the twelve new transfer students confidently stepped into that sacred space. The boy who had stepped into the bubble had tousled brown hair and a red marking on each cheek. Like all of the other transfer students, he was muscled and fit.

"You smell like a dog."

My eyes widened. How could he know that? I glanced at Edward – he also looked surprised.

Jacob sneered. "Is that so?"

The boy nodded. "It reminds me of - " Then a blonde girl suddenly appeared by his side, slapped a hand over his mouth, and hissed something in his ear. All of this was done so quickly, I couldn't even see the girl's face. He grudgingly nodded, and was dragged away by the rest of the Transfers. (Poor Kiba. That happens to him quite often.)

The surrounding crowd seemed disappointed that they didn't fight.

Jacob turned his head away from the boy being dragged away, and glared at Edward. "Now, let's back to business, should we?"

* * *

In the School Cafeteria…

The Naruto cast (aka "NC") were holding a strategic meeting in their corner of the cafeteria.

After Kiba had been reprimanded several times for his carelessness, the meeting officially started.

"The point of this meeting," Sakura declared, "is to decide how to destroy the storyline of the third book of Twilight."

Naruto, who had been sitting quietly the whole time with his eyes closed, suddenly opened them. "Kurama wants to eat the vampires." He stated.

"Doesn't he always want to eat people?" Neji asked quizzically.

"Well, yeah," Naruto scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "But he _REALLY_ wants to eat the vampires. He said they're good for digestion or something. Kurama likes to play around with his food, it's a bad habit of his."

Everyone sweatdropped. Naruto was referring to the mightiest of the bijuu as if it was a pet. Typical.

"How troublesome." Shinkamaru sighed. He had recently taken to saying his catchphrase in English.

"Okay, now, back to the original conversation!" Sakura reminded.

"None of us have any classes with the main characters of the story, so we'll have to get close to them first. We haven't talked or met them yet either."Tenten mused.

"We should interrupt them randomly." Garra stated. Then, with a slightly sadistic glint in his eyes, added, "And send them large amounts of paperwork."

"YOSH! I SHALL RANDOMLY INTURRUPT THE UNYOUTHFUL CHARACTERS!" Lee declared loudly. By now, the entire school had kind-of gotten used to Lee's actions, and just ignored him. However, due to Kiba's antics, Bella and Edward had been glancing at the group ever since lunch started.

How did the Naruto cast know who they were? Well, Alice and Edward were easy to find. Bella was a bit harder, but once Choji came up with the idea of looking for the most average and useless girl in school, she was immediately identified. The first few times they had tried looking for her, their eyes had skipped over her average-ness. Once they had known what to look for, it was a lot easier to spot Bella.

Speaking of Bella and Edward, both of them were striding towards the NC, each holding a plate of food. When they were standing around twenty paces away, they stopped.

"May we join you?" Edward asked politely, cutting off their conversation.

Several empty faces stared at him and his companion.

"Well,"Ino said, "I guess we don't have to worry about the 'Get Close To Them' part now."

* * *

**Omake: Back in Suna…**

Kankuro reclined in the Kazekage chair, and put his feet on the Kazekage desk. "Ahh…" He sighed. "This is the life. Naomi! Bring me a cup of coffee!"

The frazzled secretary hurried in, a cup of coffee in one hand, a couple of VERY important-looking files in the other. "Kankuro-sama, here's your cup of coffee. And here are some crucial files you need to review."

"What did I say? Don't call me Kankuro, call me Kazekage-sama!"

"But-"

"No buts!"

"Hai, Kazekage-sama. Please read the files."

"Files, smhiles, whatever." Then Kankuro promptly dumped the mentioned 'crucial files' in the trash. "Now, get me some pastries from the bakery down the street!"

The poor secretary could only utter a tired "Hai." before stumbling out of the office. '_Retirement is a good option…I swear, if this goes on, I'll be crazy!"_

Kankuro relaxed in the chair and drank his coffee. '_Is the fame getting to me?"_ He thought.

"_Nah. Couldn't be possible."_

Then an angry, no, _furious_ Temari bust in. "_**KANKURO**_!"

**Author's Note: **

And to Fallen-Ryu and Cyber Orteck, thanks for reviewing! I hope you liked your invisible brownies.

To Fallen-Ryu: You're right. There is no solid plotline…yet. So I'll try to incorporate some of your (Very angsty, yet amazing) suggestions in the story.

To Cyber Orteck: I hope you liked the Omake! I'm not sure if I will do one on Kiba escaping his mom, though.

**If you review, you shall get invisible BROWNIES! **


	6. First Impressions are Not Always Good

**Disclaimer: **Naruto is owned by Masashi Kishimoto, and Twilight is owned by Stephanie Meyer. Not me. I repeat, I am NOT a millionaire mangaka or writer. But I think you figured this out quite some time ago.

* * *

**Edward's POV**

I could tell Bella wasn't too happy with me.

She sat down at our usual lunch table, and stared unseeing at her food.

Ever since she had learned that Victoria was after her, she seemed more distant, unresponsive. For some reason I couldn't fathom, she seemed to think I should have told her of her current dilemma. But now that she knew of it, she became introverted. So I tried to draw her out of her shell by distracting her with an interesting topic.

"You know," I said in what I considered a calming voice, "we never did introduce ourselves to the new students."

Bella chewed on her lower lip thoughtfully. "How did he know Jacob smelled like a dog?"

I tensed. Then, I forced myself to relax: The mention of Jacob always made me uncomfortable. We both knew who she meant by "he." "He" would be the new student who had brashly said Jacob smelled like a dog. It was a mystery, though, how he had known that fact. The smell was faint, usually _too_ faint to be detected by human noses. So how had that boy known?

"Well, why don't we ask them?" I said smoothly, picking up my plate.

Alice looked at me out of the corner of her eye. "Be careful," she tittered. "You _know_ I can't see the future around them."

I shrugged. "What could go wrong?"

Bella bit her lip again, and then followed my example. Together, we walked toward the corner table where twelve people were sitting at. Not wanting to seem rude, I stopped some distance away from them.

"May we join you?" I said politely.

* * *

**Bella's POV**

I sucked in a breath as I beheld the transfer students. I had only seen vague glimpses of them so far, nothing detailed, except for the boy from earlier. But now that I was closer, I could tell that they were different, though I didn't know how. They excluded an aura of magnetism and feral grace, and their facial features were delicately alluring, yet stern. Their every movement was trained, and the way they moved was efficient neat, and flowing, as if the movements had been ingrained into their muscles. (If you only knew, Bella, if you only knew.)

They reminded me of predators, and I was the prey pinned beneath their gaze.

Then the same slender blond girl from earlier fluently announced something to her comrades.

Abruptly, the blond boy sitting across from her smiled a wide, foxy smile towards us, the effect amplified by the whiskered birthmarks on his cheeks. "Sure! Why not?" He said good-naturedly. "Here!" He scooted over to make a spot for me and Edward. "My name's Naruto!"

I was rather offset by his cheerful demeanor. Most of the people at the table were glaring thinly veiled daggers at me. The girl with buns in her hair started twirling a spork in her hand with uncanny ease. Somehow, she made the simple gesture seem threatening. I gulped, and then sat down. Edward started following my example, and started walking over to the empty seat.

When he suddenly gasped and dropped his plate with a loud clatter.

* * *

**Edward's POV**

I was walking over to the empty seat when the smell hit me.

I gasped. My hands loosened, though I hadn't told them to. In some part of my brain, I noticed that my plate fell on the floor. But right now, all I could focus on was the smell coming from the Transfers. It was an indescribable scent, a smell a thousand, no, a million times more enticing than Bella's floral perfume. It wafted around the twelve people sitting around the table. Each of them had a slightly different smell, but all of them were unbelievably enticing.

I couldn't help myself. Blinded with thirst, I leaped for the closest one, the sunny blonde with the whisker marks. I was about to bite down on where his neck should have been, when suddenly, I realized I was firmly pinned on the ground by the pink-haired girl, and surrounded on all sides.

The girl who had been twirling a spork earlier now held a strange knife at my throat. Instinctually, I knew it could cut me. My wrists were secured with restraints of…sand? In addition, my shadow was behaving strangely, somehow stopping me from even the most miniscule movement. In front of the boy I was about to attack, a girl with strange lavender eyes stood protectively in a fighting stance.

All of this happened at a speed faster than I could see.

Bella just stood by the side, a horrified look in her eyes. Strangely, everyone else in the cafeteria didn't notice any of this. They went about their business, chatting with a robotic emptiness in their voices, as if nothing abnormal was going on. None of them looked in this direction.

"The genjutsu barrier seems to be working well." The blonde girl commented, glaring at me. None of them bothered hiding their hostility. It was clearly seen in their every word, every action. They radiated what could only be described as killing intent.

Suddenly, I noticed that the hand around my neck tightened in an enormous show of strength. The pressure was enough so that I actually felt as if my larynx would collapse. How strong would this pink-haired girl have to be, to do this to a vampire? She didn't even look tired. If anything, she was barely putting effort into her choke-hold. Killing intent rolled off her in waves. She narrowed her eyes at me.

"Don't you DARE harm my friends." She hissed, pink hair a halo around her face, a murderous glint in her eyes.

For the first time since I became a vampire, I was afraid for myself.

* * *

**Author's Note: **FINALLY! Some action! I was really starting to think that this story wouldn't be able to spew out any!

**Please review, for the sake of getting an invisible brownie. They're really good. Also, any suggestions for the plot are welcome : )**


	7. Crossover Omake Chapter!

**Author's Note: **Sorry! I really couldn't resist this…The idea was bugging me. But in case you're wondering, this omake chapter is just complete and utter Crack. It has practically NOTHING to do with the story plotline.

And they'll all be speaking normal Japanese, which Edward understands..

**Disclaimer:** When will you guys get the fact that I AM NOT a famous writer/mangaka? Naruto, Twilight, One Piece, Fairy Tail, Bleach, and Dragon Ball all belong to their seperate authors.

* * *

**Edward's POV**

"Don't you DARE harm my friends." The girl pinning me down hissed, a murderous glint in her eyes.

Then a ship fell out of the sky.

"NAMI! I DON'T THINK THIS IS THE WAY OUT OF SKYPIEA!"

* * *

**In the School Cafeteria…**

A giant human-colored balloon popped out of nowhere, and cushioned the ship from damage. Once the ship was safe, the balloon shrank down to a reveal a person. The teenage boy put a hand on the straw hat he was wearing, and looked around with a clueless expression on his face. He was tall and muscled, with a scar under his left eye. He wore a buttoned red vest and cut-off denim shorts. His face was framed with black hair, and he had large, dark eyes. "Nami, do you know where we are?"

"OF COURSE NOT!" A fierce-looking orange-haired girl hopped out of the ship and hit him on the head. "IDIOT!"

Sakura blinked. "Nami?"

Naruto grinned. "Luffy?"

The black-haired boy with the straw hat, now confirmed as Luffy, and the ginger-haired girl known as Nami looked over to the Naruto cast.

"Sakura!"

"Naruto!"

Then the girls ran toward each other and hugged, and the boys high-fived.

The four had met while Team 7 was sent on a mission to the Land of Waves. While they were there, they chanced upon the straw-hat crew, and became fast friends. Sakura and Nami had talked about how annoying and clueless their teammate/crewmate was, and Naruto and Luffy expressed their extreme love of ramen and meat, and how they couldn't understand why Sakura and Nami hit them so much. They had engaged in a meat/ramen eating contest together, and Luffy had won by a margin. Being elastic was helpful at times like these.

The rest of the Straw-hat crew leapt out of the Going Merry (the name of the ship), and voiced their hellos to Sakura and Naruto. They also greeted the NC ,which were quickly subduing Edward with various chains and ropes they had seemingly pulled out of thin air. The whole time they were doing this, Bella was standing frozen in the corner. Guess her love for Edward wasn't as great as she said. Once Edward was secured, the Konoha 11 (Aka Rookie 9) and Garra started a lively conversation with the Mugiwara crew.

"So," Nami asked Sakura after their embrace, "Why'd you slam that pale kid there to the floor? And the people here don't seem very responsive to the fact that a ship crashed through the ceiling. "

Sakura glanced over at the students in the lunchroom. All of them had a certain, glassy-eyed look on their faces. "Oh, they're all under a genjutsu. And that _pale kid _over there tried to _kill Naruto_." If looks could kill, Edward would have been pulverized, chopped into mincemeat, cooked in a deep-fryer, and fed to the flies. Edward could imagine it too, with the unholy amount of killing intent Sakura was sending at him.

"He tried to hurt your Nakama?" Nami asked, even though it was more of a statement than anything. Once again, Edward had the vision of being pulverized, chopped, fried, and eaten by flies.

"Huh?" Luffy overheard Nami and tilted his head to the side questioningly. "Who tried to hurt your Nakama?" he asked Sakura in a low voice.

Sakura pointed to Edward with a casual grace that told him she knew _exactly_ what she was doing. He started shivering uncontrollably.

Luffy turned to Edward, his eyes darkly shadowed by the rim of his hat. He brought his hands together and slowly cracked his knuckles. "So, you tried to hurt my friends?"

Edward tried to crawl away, but it was rather hard, since he was bound entirely in metal chains and ropes.

Then, out of nowhere, a pink-haired boy with a scarf fell though the hole in the ceiling. The first thing he said when he landed was: "Hey, is there any food here? I thought I smelled something burning."

Sakura looked over at the newcomer. "That would be the smell of his burning pride." She said, pointing over at Edward.

Edward kept on trying to wiggle away, while Luffy was occupied with the newcomer.

"Hey!" Luffy instantly lightened up, "You have the same hair as Sakura!"

"Huh?" Natsu (yes, that's his name) looked over at Luffy. He glanced upwards at his spiky rosy-pink hair. "Oh, yeah!"

"Oh, hey, Natsu! You're here too!" Naruto eagerly said. "Did you fall through dimensions again?"

"Yep! But this seems to be a weirder place than Edolas!"

A ginger-haired boy suddenly fell though the ceiling.

"Someone really needs to fix that ceiling." Choji said, looking up.

Ichigo landed on the ground and looked around. "What the-"

Then another guy _also _tumbled though the gaping hole in the roof, and flattened Ichigo.

"Hi!" Goku said, leaping off of Ichigo's prone body.

"Goku! Ichigo! You two are here too!" Naruto exclaimed.

"So, what's going on?" Goku asked.

Sakura volunteered to explain the situation to the people who fell through the ceiling. After waking Ichigo from unconsciousness using some medical jutsu, she told the story with lots of dramatic flair. It was easily summed up as "That pale kid over there tried to kill Naruto, let's get revenge."

It was clear that the newcomers did not like Edward.

"He's dead."Ichigo said.

"He'll sure be dead by the time we're done with him!" Natsu growled.

"…that's not what I meant. He is _literally_ dead. Yet somehow, still alive, but only just." Ichigo replied.

"How would you know?" Goku asked.

"I'm a fucking shinigami. Of course I know." Ichigo said.

'_Shinigami? A Death God? What is going on here?' _ Edward thought. '_But how else would he know what I am?'_

"Did I mention that he has no human soul? So when he dies, he'll basically become a mindless, soul-eating monster. I sure hope that there aren't any more of his kind, since they'll never be able to go to a good afterlife. In fact, they'll probably spend eternity eating the souls of others, then eventually get killed by soul reapers. I should probably destroy (the nice way of saying kill) his spirit, and insure that he doesn't get a chance to either make more of his kind, or go around eating souls."

"I'd love to help." Natsu said menacingly.

"So would I." Goku added.

Luffy made no verbal response, but tilted his hat in a menacing way.

Edward was reeling with the fact that he was a soulless monster. Oh, and that he would die in around…three seconds.

GETSUGA TENSHOU!

FIRE DRAGON'S ROAR!

KAMEHAMEHA!

GOMU GOMU RED HAWK!

* * *

**Author's Note:** I don't read/watch Dragon Ball, so I'm not really sure if I got Goku's character right. But then again, this is a Crack!Chapter, so…whatever goes!


	8. Don't Make Hinata Angry

**Disclaimer:** I _still _don't own Naruto or Twilight. Life is full of disappointments, I guess.

**Note:** The smell that Edward encountered is Chakra. Yes, Edward will be a chakra addict. He sure looks like an addict of _some_ kind, considering how pale and unhealthy he looks.

"Talking"

'_Thinking'_

"Whatever language they speak in Naruto"

* * *

After Sakura was done scaring the sh*t out of Edward, the rest of the Konoha 11 (and Gaara) quickly subdued Edward with various chains and ropes they had seemingly pulled out of thin air. The whole time they were doing this, Bella was standing frozen in the corner, looking very much like a deer in headlights. Edward was pleadingly staring at her, but she just kept on looking like a dumb goldfish, eyes bugged out, gaping mouth opening and closing rapidly. She looked scared, not daring to look anyone in the eye, and was slowly inching further and further away. When she got around 17 feet away, she ran for it. Guess her love for Edward wasn't as great as she said. It made no difference, though. She was immediately captured, knocked out, and dumped unceremoniously in a corner.

In the span of five seconds, Edward was completely immobilized. Most of his vampire abilities had been sealed away by Naruto and Tenten (who had a knack for fuinjutsu), and he was utterly helpless. Surprisingly, (or not-so-surprisingly), Hinata took great joy in inflicting painful "mistakes" when closing the pressure points of Naruto's attacker. Her shy demeanor had immediately fallen away when it came to anything or anyone who dared to try harm her precious Naruto-kun. By the time she was done with him, Edward had determined that the quiet girls were always the scariest. In his mind, Hinata was undoubtedly the most fear-inspiring person he had ever met. Forget the Volturi! These twelve students were far more horrifying than they ever will be!

It was rather humiliating for him, a creature at the top of the food chain, the apex predator, to be taken down so easily. The chains that wrapped around him made him look astoundingly like a fat, unconventional caterpillar plopped on the floor. By now, he really was feeling pitiful, and was hoping to lose consciousness, if only to preserve the remnants of his shattered pride. Sadly, because of his vampire status, he wouldn't be doing that anytime soon. Unless the _very_ motivated Hinata decided to help, of course. It was horrible; to lie there and be inches away from the most deliciously tantalizing scent he would ever smell, but know he would not be able to eat it.

Naruto was standing at the side, with a slightly shocked look on his face. He had probably not even thought of the possibility he would be attacked. He always had too much trust in everyone. However, the main contribution of the shock he was feeling was the fact that Hinata had a rather sadistic side. "Um…Hinata? Are you okay?"

"She's perfectly fine, Naruto!" Sakura said cheerfully beside him. "In fact, better than fine! She's finally found her backbone! Go for it, Hinata! I'm so proud of you!"

Hinata, (who was in the process of massively bitch-slapping the still-conscious Edward), looked at Naruto. The happy-go-lucky blonde was looking at her with deep concern in his eyes. Hinata immediately leaped away from Edward and started blushing and stuttering furiously. "I-I'm f-fine, Naruto-kun."

Sakura sweat-dropped. '_Maybe I talked too soon…'_

"Oh, great!" Naruto chirped out. "I was starting to get worried."

Hinata started fidgeting with her fingers. "R-really?"

"Yep! But now you're back to normal!" he happily announced.

"That is not necessarily a good thing, given her shyness. But I have to admit, Hyuuga-san's sadistic side is rather intimidating. " Garra commented. Several people shivered. When Garra said someone was intimidating, it was a complement. You would have to be downright _scary_ for Garra, of all people, to say such a thing.

"Excuse me, but I am still tied up on the floor." Edward said, trying to sound dignified, but failing miserably.

Everybody gathered together and formed a loose circle around him.

"Yes, we know." Neji said off-handedly. He had loosened up considerably in Forks, away from the influence of the Hyuuga traditions of Main and Branch Houses.

"What do we do with him?" Choji mumbled through a mouthful of food.

"Are you a new kind of vampires?" Edward asked, specifically staring at the dark rings around Garra's eyes. His thoughts wandered away to Sakura's (not that he knew any of their names, except for Naruto) overwhelming strength, the blurring speed of the shinobi, and how Garra's skin felt like cold stone (sand armor) when he had briefly touched it. Also, he was absolutely sure that Naruto's eyes had flashed to crimson red when he was attacked.

Kiba burst out laughing. The distinct smell of dog drifted over to Edward. '_It smells almost exactly like the werewolves!'_

"You don't seem like newborns. Are you a traveling coven of allied vampires and werewolves?"

Edward sniffed the air again. Each person had a different scent. He could detect the smell of foxes, raccoons, lotuses, metal, lavender, bugs, dogs, herbs, deer, chips, and perfume. They were all very diversified smells, and he couldn't make heads or tails of them.

"A coven? There seems no reason for us not to be. However, I would advise you not to ask questions, considering that you are currently in an inconvenient position." Shino stated.

"IT WAS VERY UNYOUTHFUL OF YOU TO ATTACK MY FRIEND! YOU DO NOT BURN WITH THE FLAMES OF YOUTH!" Lee exclaimed loudly, in a dissapproving tone.

"I say we mind-wipe him."Shikamaru lazily said. Usually, he would have kept quiet, but this really was too curious for him to pass up.

Edward's eyes widened. _'Mind-wipe?'_

"Good idea. I'll perform the honors." Ino said darkly.

Edward started wiggling frantically within his metal roped cocoon. Ino slowly approached, each step silent and threatening.

"Now, don't move…It only hurts…_a lot."_

* * *

**You should review. You really should. Why? Invisible brownies. Okay, now I'm starting ot sound like Shino.**


	9. Declaration of (Prank) War

**Disclaimer:** I hope you're not looking for a witty disclaimer, cause there isn't one. Sad, isn't it? If only I owned Naruto…but not Twilight. I would be ashamed to own Twilight.

**Note**: So far, I've decided to keep the OOC-ness down to a minimum. But then, where's the fun in that? So I thought "Eh, fuck it." So now, the Twilight characters may act OOC. I'll try not to do that to the Naruto characters, though, since they're amazing the way they are. But once in a while, they may act OOC, for the sake of the story.

Oh, and when Ino mind-wiped Edward and Bella, both of them also forgot about the incident where Kiba said Jacon smelled like a dog.

"English"

'_Thoughts'_

"Whatever Language they speak in Naruto"

* * *

For some reason, it seemed that all the important conversations happened at the dining table. Mainly so they had an excuse for not answering the "Occasional Stupid Question." For another reason, the shinobi didn't really care about what foods they ate at what time. As long as it was NOT a small, brownish, sphere, it was acceptable food. Period. A lifetime of ration food pellets could do that to you.

The ninjas were stuffing themselves with "dinner" (which consisted entirely of breakfast foods) when Sakura spoke up. "I think Mr. Vamps is attracted to chakra." She said with a spoonful of egg waffles in her mouth. "Well… attracted is an understatement. More like…hmm…how do I put this? It's like putting extremely strong drugs in front of an extremely addicted person: it doesn't end well." Naruto glanced at her, nodded slightly and continued noisily eating an upside-down waterfall of ramen. Technically, ramen was not supposed to be a breakfast food. But then again, that was breakfast for him. And lunch. And dinner. And…well, basically any meal.

"So?" Kiba asked the Occasional Stupid Question.

Ino looked at him with an irritated expression. "So we mask our chakra, you idiot!"

"Oh."

Tenten sighed regretfully, and stopped twirling the fork in her hand. "And it also means Hinata can't gut him anymore, since he's relatively…_innocent._"

Hinata sighed along with her.

* * *

**The Next Day**

Bella and Edward strode toward the Naruto cast.

"May we join you?" Edward asked.

"No, you may NOT." Gaara replied. His reply was backed up by ten blank looks. Naruto stared at Edward intently. He seemed to be thinking very deeply.

Edward felt a large shiver of fear when Hinata and Sakura looked at him. For some reason, a hallucination of being pulverized, chopped into mincemeat, cooked in a deep-fryer, and fed to the flies came to mind. They seemed familiar…But he was sure they had never met before. Had they? His vampire memories said "_No_", but his instincts said "_Yes Yes Run Away Run Run Run Far Away Go Away Fear Run!_"

A moment ago, Hinata was in a lively conversation with the girls (After TONS of encouraging by the others, she had started to grow a backbone.) Now, she looked as if she was physically trying to restrain herself from strangling Edward. '_Hedidn'tmeantoharmNaruto-kundidn'tmeantoharmNaruto-kunHedidn'tmeantoharmNaruto-kun.' _If Hinata hadn't been forcefully held back by Kiba, Shino, and Neji, Edward would probably be dead around now. Then Naruto tapped her on the arm concernedly, and she became a blushing pile of mush. Edward was saved…for now.

"Have we met before?" Edward asked.

"If we had, I sure would remember your ugly face. And take the emo makeup off, your eyeshadow sucks." Ino shot back. She was annoyed that they had interrupted her in an _enthralling _conversation about kunoichi skills with the girls.

Bella gasped. She could not comprehend the fact that Edward was anything other than _perfection_ in human form.

Edward touched his face gingerly. "I am…ugly?" He seemed to not be able to comprehend that people would call him _ugly, _especially on their "first" meeting.

"No shit, Sherlock." Sakura fired at him, shooting him another dirty glare. She was rather enjoying the kunoichi-skills conversation they were having when Edward butted in. Hinata was still too busy fangirling Naruto to back her up, but if she wasn't, she would've agreed wholeheartedly.

Edward frowned, as if he could not grasp that concept. "No, I am sure I am gorgeous. Everyone tells me so."

Bella's eyes turned to miniature hearts. '_He is so __**perfect.**_'

"If a giant, malevolent, nine-tailed demon fox that lived in your mind told you to do something, like let him eat a person, would you do it? Especially if the fox says that he'll be your bestest friend forever?" Naruto blurted out.

Edward stared at him weirdly.

"Do it, Naruto, do it!"Tenten immediately shouted, getting the gist of what Naruto was implying. "Wouldn't it be nice to be bestest friends with the Kyuubi?" '_I hope he lets the Kyuubi eat the pale freak!'_

The reason Tenten was acting like this? She was extremely pissed by the fact that Edward had interrupted the Kunoichi-skills convention, and wanted him to pay for it. She had been in the middle of discussing the various and most effective ways of using kunai for torture and interrogation.

Lee didn't have any idea what was going on, but added in his own bit anyways. "YOSH, NARUTO! MAKING FRIENDS IS VERY YOUTHFUL!"

Naruto seemed to be once again in deep thought, and then started meditating.

"What is he doing?" Edward asked.

"Talking with a giant demonic fox." Shino said seriously.

Edward stared at him weirdly.

"I suggest you leave." Neji said harshly. The way he said the words "_suggest you leave" _sounded the same way one would say "_If you do not leave now, I will kill you.' _It left no room for argument.

So Edward dragged Bella away from the table, without ever smelling the shinobi's chakra and turning into a chakra-drug addict.

"They seemed unfriendly, don't you think? Did we ever do anything to them?" Bella whispered.

"No, we haven't." he responded. But a tiny part of his mind wasn't so sure.

* * *

"School is starting to get old," Kiba sighed, lying on the couch.

"Today's Saturday, why don't we go train in the forest?" Naruto suggested.

"That would be nice," Shino said, "we haven't been in the forest, ever since we arrived."

"LET US TRAIN AND BURN WITH THE FLAMES OF YOUTH!"

"I've heard there's large wolves around La Push. How about we go hunting?" Tenten asked. "It would test out our stealth, and let us use chakra."

Kiba stared at her accusingly.

"Okay, okay!" Tenten relented. "No wolf hunting! For now…"

Kiba seemed to take to that better.

On the other side of the room, Naruto and Lee were practically bouncing with energy. Naruto hadn't been using large amounts of his chakra for some time, and he was itching to throw a couple of rasengans around. And Lee basically _lived_ off training.

Poor, poor forest. It's going to be eradicated, isn't it?

* * *

Kiba stood on the road in front of the house with Akamaru. "Come on, guys!" Akamaru barked an affirmative 'Woof!'

The others had just exited the house (through the windows, no one uses the door), when a red truck suddenly spun around a corner and headed straight at Kiba.

It was inches from smashing into him when Naruto heroically tackled Kiba out of the way, and got smashed instead. There was a loud thump, and the old truck sped by as if nothing had happened.

"Naruto! Kiba! Are you guys okay?" Sakura ran over, a green glove of medical chakra ready on her hand.

"Yep." Naruto sat up is if nothing had happened. "Instant regeneration, remember? Is Kiba okay?"

"I'm good, apart from being tackled." Kiba also sat up, and looked over to the speeding truck in the distance. "WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING, YOU ASSHOLE!" he shouted. The truck kept driving. Pamphlets were flying from its windows, and left a bright neon wake behind it. He picked one up. It had a yellow background, with the caption "Save the Olympic Wolf" surrounding a picture of a very depressed-looking wolf. He held it up. "Hey, look at this!"

Hinata and Sakura helped Naruto up (even though he didn't need it—instant regeneration, remember?) and everyone gathered around Kiba.

"That is a very sad looking wolf."Choji said.

Garra put his hand on his chin. "It is."

Shino turned his head in the direction the truck had gone. "Who was that?"

Shikamaru answered him. "That would be the truck of a certain Bella Swan. This license number is the same as of the truck she drives, "LV-B10D"

The ninjas did not look happy.

"Guys, I know I swore off revenge, but…I want to prank-war her SO bad."

Everyone shivered. When Naruto declared Prank War, it was a serious thing. He took things up to an entirely new level. Many prank recipients were mentally scarred for life, and even these that weren't had to go through intensive therapy. After destroying three-fourths of Konoha with pink paint and glitter alone, he was banned from ever doing so in the village again. But if Naruto was determined enough, no one could really stop him. After all, he _was_ the kid who escaped trained ANBU in a neon orange jumpsuit, at the tender age of 6. No doubt his skills had only improved over time.

"It's okay, Naruto, it's okay. We fully support you."

* * *

**Bella's POV**

I was speeding around a corner, going as fast as I could, when I hit something. I ignored it. Seeing my Jacob was more important. Plus, it wasn't like I could get into any trouble or anything. My father was the sheriff.

* * *

Bella and Jacob were sitting on a piece of beached driftwood, talking. When a wet _something_ went _Splat!_ on Bella's head. She reached a reluctant hand up, and touched the mystery gel covering most of her hair…and found it was a _pink, glittery, gob of bird crap._

"Eugghh!" She made an en extremely undiginified, un-lady-like sound, and leaped from her driftwood seat. "Gahh!" She hopped around on the sand, frantically trying to shake the mess off her hand. Her panicky movements closely resembled that of a tribal dance, and it looked as if she was praying to the god of pink-glittery-bird-excrements.

Jacob looked at her concernedly. "Umm…Are you okay?"

"I am FABULOUS. NO, I am decidedly NOT okay!" Bella screeched back at him. "THERE. IS. BIRD. POO. IN. MY. HAIR!"

"Here…" Jacob tried to help Bella get rid of the mess in her hair by patting on it, but it only served to make Bella look like she used Peptol-Bismol as a hair product.

"GREAT! Now I look even WORSE!" Bella screamed.

Jacob started backing away from the pink, poo-covered hag known as Bella, when he spotted something. "Hey, look!"

Bella stopped her fussing just in time to see a floating, pink, glittery envelope fly directly into her face. Calming herself down, she tore open the envelope, and grabbed the letter inside. It read:

_Dear Isabella Swan,_

_You have been declared Prank War on by Naruto Uzumaki. During the duration of the Prank War, we ask you to please refrain from committing suicide or moving to an asylum. We will know if you intend on doing either. After the Declaration of War, both sides are allowed to do anything and everything they consider to be a prank. There are no rules._

_If you feel as if you need therapy after this event, please go to the Naruto Uzumaki Prank Recovery Center located in Konoha, Japan, or contact others like you at _

_Thank you for your cooperation._

_-The Leaf Nin_

-Line Break-

**Author's Note: You can skip it if you want: it's just an emotional drabble.**

I can't believe it! Over TEN. THOUSAND. WORDS! When I first started this fic, I never expected to get this far. To all the people out there who supported me during this, THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH. Free invisible brownies to everyone!

This event is deserving of TWO Omakes!

Omake: Naruto Discovers Ramen:

The Naruto Cast were walking in some obscure little grocery store for shopping, when a loud scream suddenly sounded.

Shikamaru's eyes widened. "Naruto!" They instantly ran to the epicenter of the noise worriedly, only to find…

"RAMENRAMENRAMENAMEN!" Naruto was hopping around like a squirrel on steroids, mouth cascading out a fountain of saliva. "They have _sooo_ many flavors! Shrimp! Pork! Beef! Chicken! Curry! Can you IMAGINE?! And and, look! THIS one only takes a MINUTE AND THIRTY SECONDS TO COOK! A MIRACLE! Did you know that-"

Sakura slapped a hand over his mouth. The bewildered store manager had stumbled in during the middle of Naruto's ramen rant, and had an incredulous look on his face.

Sakura turned to the manager. "Here. We'll take all of it." And slapped three hundred-dollar-bills in his hand. (It's not genjutsu-money. I'll explain why in a later omake!)

Garra immediately used his sand to transport every box of ramen off the shelf, and walked out of the door, along with everyone else, leaving a stunned store-manager and Ino behind. Ino made a hand sign and stared into the man's eyes. "You never saw that."

"I…never…saw that."

Omake: A repeat of this Chapter…

Garra stood on the road in front of the house silently, waiting for everyone else.

The others had just exited the house (through the windows, no one uses the door), when a red truck suddenly spun around a corner and headed straight at Garra.

It was a meter away from smashing into him when Garra's sand shield activated. The old truck was smushed like a tin can.

"Garra! Are you okay?" Sakura ran over, a green glove of medical chakra ready on her hand. "Oh, who am I kidding. You never get hurt."

Garra was still standing in the middle of the road, at the same place he was before the truck came. He hadn't even moved an inch.

"Who's in the truck?" Kiba asked.

Shikamaru looked. "Isabella Swan."

Garra seemed slightly pissed off.

* * *

**ANOTHER note: I have opened a poll on my profile! It's about how Bella should end up in this story. If you're interested, please vote! AND DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW! I have an entire stash of invisible brownies to give away! **


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